I received this Message of Love the morning after my Path To Body Balance class.
This is the week before a holiday gathering, thanksgiving where not being accepted for who you really are can change the food choices we make.
We choose to medicate with food rather than express what is really the issue.
We feel hurt, and we choose food for comfort rather than choosing to discuss the painful incident and allow the emotions and feelings to be healed.
This can also prevent us from having the intimate loving relationships with family – but that is what we reviewed in the session! Next Body Balance course starts in January.
Nourish your soul not your bruised ego.
When others unload, find love and compassion
When you are happy, people notice.
This is both great and sometimes not so great.
Why would it not be great?
Because this happiness can trigger emotions in others like jealousy, envy and feeling like you have something they don’t.
Maybe you don’t deserve being happy while I am suffering.
Maybe I can try to bring you down and bring you down to my level?
This is the weird part of the human condition.
Somehow we are constantly comparing the haves and the have nots.
You have happiness, I do not.
You have a fancy car, I do not.
You have a great relationship, I do not.
And this list can go on.
You have fun hair, I do not.
You have a great job, I do not.
Many of the criticisms we get from family is based on our family member’s fears or feelings of inadequacy. These are their own feelings. They want to either unload these on you to make them feel better, or share them with you so you can co-miserate. Yet they make you feel worse.
They want you to be as miserable as they are in whichever aspect they choose because you know, misery loves company! But does it really? No, I think you know that answer!
When you are being criticized, stay in your heart and know who you are.
You are a loving compassionate being.
You do not have to accept their word as your truth.
You actually know in your heart it is not your truth! It is their opinion.
And they are entitled to an opinion and are entitled to share it, too.
It is up to you as to how to react when this opinion is shared.
The reaction will be the key to whether someone decides to share with you again to bring you down or if they will choose to offer an opinion to match your elevation and happiness!
One trick is to agree with what they say.
I have found this to be a total curve ball.
They then have to be the one that steps back and question what they said.
What? I didn’t get a reaction? They didn’t get defensive? What’s going on?
When you stop being defensive, you stop giving the other person power.
And you allow yourself to be you and keep your light.
The negative comments will always make you feel small and dim your light as the ego tries its darndest to protect you from another onslaught….but in reality we just need to have love and compassion for ourselves and for others.
We just need to keep our hearts open and not allow someone else’s opinion to bring us down.
If someone keeps knocking you down, you can also respond with ‘Why did you just say that? Are you trying to hurt me? Make me feel bad?”
You may respond with ‘Thank you, I already know that. Tell me something I don’t know.”
Or “Really? Why do you think that?” and after they answer, you can respond with a loving comment of acknowledgement of the comment, but not acceptance of the comment. ” I don’t agree, here are my reasons.”
Or like Pewee Herman “I know you are, but what am I?”. So you deflect the comment and return it right back to them.
You do not accept it as your opinion, yet you find out where the comment is coming from.
You could also respond with ‘I don’t really care what you think. This is my life, and this behavior, action, xxxxx fill in the blank makes me truly happy! ……What makes you really happy??”. But this becomes a defensive rather than loving comment and may cause more bitterness rather than diffusing the issue.
With love and compassion in your heart you are then able to step outside of the situation, and almost step into the other person’s shoes.
They may be fearful that you are being successful while they are not.
They may be jealous you can cut your hair short and fun while they feel they cannot.
There may be other reasons, but once you stop reacting defensively and react from a place of loving, you can assess the situation differently and notice that most comments made have nothing to do with you!
Absolutely nothing.
The comments are based on others perceptions and illusions they are holding on to.
They try to share these illusions, or release and transfer them to you.
Do not accept it into your heart. Let it deflect off you or pass right through you.
This will allow you to reclaim your power or not lose it in the first place.
Once you realize those illusions or the viewpoint from which they come, then you can calmly and loving respond, rather than having to be defensive.
Being loving and compassionate is always more powerful than reacting and barking back while feeling defensive or beaten down. Defensiveness lets the other person win.
Although this life is not about winning or losing and who fights better, it is about learning to respond with love, compassion and calmness rather than a bigger fight where you may say things that are really mean.
You have more power with love.
Just like Jesus said and did countless times.
He showed love to all around him even when persecuted.
He forgave them despite their actions.
And we can too.
Forgive yourself for reacting – in the past or now.
Forgive the other for being in such a place where they feel they need to be above you.
Forgive it all, and you will then connect with the love in your heart.
When you are there, it is all love.
It is all compassion.
And it is beautiful.
John and Wayne
How do you cope?